I AM.

I am the clingy friend.

I am that friend who will always message you first reminding that I exist because you’ll always forget me due to the fact that

a. I am not fun

b. happy at any moment of time.

But I will happy if do get a reply which I deserve from you hoping we can chat all night like you do with your other friends and I don’t want you to forget me because there’s nothing special about me, I am a messed up kid and a mediocre friend.

I am the greedy friend, I hesitate to be around the people who like you thinking they might steal you away from me and you’ll forget about me because of their attractiveness and positivity.

I am that friend that will message you around 10 in the morning for smoke though you’ve had the night out and  even though I know you’re going out around 12 again with your other friends, hoping that maybe I will get some time with you too.

I am the lying friend, because I won’t tell you how really sad I am and would just hide my pain away for you to find it and heal it because you’re my friend.

I am the needy friend, I will ask you a lot of things, mostly about things I will never have like a happy day or the hug I am waiting since ’12 or  will I ever be happy?

Hoping that I will find the love and affection through you that I never got. I hope you understand me and show me some love even though you’ve just got out of  the dog care center giving them gifts and your love and since  they can why can’t I?

I will ask you to judge what I write because only if you tell me I am worth it, I will make me feel happy and maybe write happy and all of this, all these red words which I have flown through my fingertips onto this keyboard would have been about your eyes and their charity love affecting my daily life.

I am that friend who will stay awake till 4 in the morning just to get your reply even though you slept at 6 and had never got the strength to reply me.

I am the lonely friend, I will fight with you because all this while I had been there for you but the same was never returned and then I found my solace in stuff toys and shiny silver blades I stole from my dad’s shaving kit.

I am the messed up person you’ll always ignore after the second conversation because you’ll know I am too fkd up to be happy and you will never try to maybe undo my self created paradoxical pain though you just dumped another guy after having sex with him.

I am the stranger you’ll witness dying in front of you everyday at school whilst you are taking to the plastic people you shop with.

And I am that one person who stayed for you and everyone who came into my life, hoping you’ll do the same and accepting me  with my imperfections.

I have shown you my life, you’ve heard of it but you don’t remember anything and if I leave this place you’ll never remember mine.

Will you help me now?

(( I am looking at the stars in this night, happily because we both are together under the same sky even though you choose to forget me ))