My smile faded away as he disappeared into the sunset. His tall figure almost running away into what was now darkness. I asked myself where he was running off to, I asked him where he was running off to; I yelled it out. Again. And again. And again.
The funny thing is that even after all that yelling, he didn’t stop, he didn’t answer… he didn’t even turn to acknowledge my presence. It took me a second to figure out why he couldn’t feel my disheveled presence behind him; he didn’t know I even existed. He might have known about me at the back of his mind, but he didn’t know me.
“I promise…” he said.
“I won’t leave…” he said on another occasion.
“I like you…” on the third.
“Please don’t leave me.” on the fourth.
Through all of this, I believed him. I believed all his words. I believed all his promises. I believed all his lies.
I believed him.
I shouldn’t have.
I never should have.
“I promise I’ll be here for you.” He’d said. I’d smiled, happy to know that there was someone here to pick me up if I fall this time around.
I fell. He wasn’t around.
“I like you.” he’d said. I’d smiled, happy to know that there was someone who liked me for me, even if I didn’t. “I hate my body.” I said. He laughed and walked away.
“I won’t leave you.” he’d said. I’d smiled, happy to know that there was someone who was going to stick around when times got rough. Times got rough, he flew away to far off place.
“Please don’t leave me.” he’d said. I’d smiled, happy to know that someone needed me. He hadn’t needed me. He never did.
Now I close my eyes, breathing in and out slowly, tired from the running and yelling to get him to stop. I sat down, cross legged and looked towards the darkness that he’d run into and smiled. I untied the bond that tied us together, and let it fly away gracefully, with the wind. I didn’t have to cut the cords, I just had to let go.
I smiled. The bond looked more pure now that it had drifted farther away from me.
I smiled. The bond could no more remind me of all the lies.
I smiled. The bond could no more tie me to fake promises.
I smiled. The bond could no more be a threat to my happiness.
I was free. Free as the floating bond.