Yes It’s true, I am.
I lie to myself.
I lie to them.
I lie to everyone.
I portray a person that sometimes, I’m not.
I will smile,
Even if inside I’m a mess.
Even if inside I’m torn apart.
Even if inside I’m lost.
I will smile.
I don’t want you to see my vulnerabilities. I don’t want you to see how much I hurt sometimes.
Because people take your weaknesses and turn them into their strengths.
Because no matter how much I want to believe that people are basically good, the world has shown me that some people are basically bad.
And to take the risk of trusting, of telling the ultimate truth, of giving myself fully is way too big of a risk to take.
So I give a little and hold back a lot.
I lie to protect my feelings.
I don’t lie in a sense that I tell you things that aren’t true, oh no I will always tell you what’s in my mind.
I lie, sort of by omission.
I’m not going to always tell you how I feel.
I’m not a doll you can press to hear the words I love you.
I’m not a doll you can hold on to while you play with the mud because I’ll get dirty.
I just want to be clean.
And today, I thought I’d take a little bit of time and tell you that you’re the only people that will ever get me fully.
That will know everything that goes on in this crazy little head of mine.
I want to thank you for putting up with me, for reading what I try really hard to put in words so that I can get rid of all my emotions in a positive way.
I started this blog/diary to let out all of my feelings. To rid myself of negative thoughts and even positive ones.
I want to help myself but I also want to help you. Through my writing and yours, I want to be able to help you help yourself.
Everything is possible, never forget that.
Even though one day things may seem unfixable, irreparable, irreplaceable, everything will eventually get better.
Trust and believe that with all of your heart.
And when you find those days that seem the worst, that seem never ending, tell a little lie, even if to yourself.
Stand in front of a mirror, with both feet planted strongly on the ground and tell yourself, “It’s okay.”
And even if It’s not okay right now, it will be okay in the future.
Even if you are okay, tell yourself a truth. Empower yourself.
Lie to yourself sometimes.
You know we all feel bad sometimes, we all have those moments.
“I am strong, I am okay, I will rejoice, I will come out of this one hundred and ten percent.”
Because even if It’s a lie now, it won’t be forever.
And while you sit there and believe you’re telling yourselves lies.
I’ll be over here knowing that in reality, they’re all true.
Because you are strong, you are okay.
We will all be OKAY.