It creeped up on me today.
Well, I felt it coming a long time ago. I felt it and I tried to push it away. I tried to take myself out of it and for some reason, I couldn’t escape. I tried my best to run and yet, the cloud around me only got bigger and darker. Now, I’m sitting in the hole while it pours down on me. I’m stuck again.
My mind is once again filled with the thoughts I know I shouldn’t act on and yet, sometimes I still do. Sometimes I can’t help it. Some days are too hard and today is one of those days. The days that I can’t get up out of bed. The days where I want to yell at the world but no words come out.
The days where I have everything in my head ready to say it. The days where I want to tell everyone just how sick I am but I realize that no one even notices how bad I’m hurting. No one sees anything different, guess I’m stuck on auto pilot now. At least on the outside because in my head it’s a jumbled mess of I don’t know what to do and I really just want to give and die.
It’s one of those days because I woke up and the feeling was immense. I hadn’t felt it so much like before. It sort of just happened. Now, my friends think I’m blowing them off but I really just can’t force myself to explain because I know that they can’t understand that I’m just sad.
The don’t get it, because to them I’m always doing fine.
But today, I”m really not fine
and I don’t know what to do..