When you meet somebody for the first time or after a few years, somebody who means something to you, you drink them in. You watch their mouth to see how they form their sentences, you notice how their eyes crinkle when they smile, how their hands shake when they try to hold yours for the first time. You want them to be more than a few words on social media, more than a text message at 2:45am so you pay close attention and you take it all in. You breathe in their smell, you ‘accidentally’ brush your fingers against theirs and will yourself to hold onto that sensation. You wrap your arms around their neck to try and freeze that moment in time. After they leave, or move away, or forget all about you, you will think about them every now and then but you won’t remember the way they spoke, or how their eyes flashed when they got annoyed or the accent that was so endearing at the time. You won’t remember the way their lips turned upwards when they smiled at you for the first time in 8 years, or how they walked. What you will remember is their scent, your fingers will remember how their skin felt against yours and you will never be able to forget how they looked at you. You will want to, you will try and convince yourself to erase them from your memory and you will think you’ve succeeded till you’re in the market and somebody who smells exactly like them walks by. You will be transported back to the time in your room when your hair smelt like their neck and when somebody else touches you for the first time, you will be amazed at how different it feels. You will push your consciousness to hold onto the way your body felt when they ran their fingers through your hair. You will rub the first two fingers of your right hand on your cheek, shut your eyes and try to remember how your breath caught in your throat when they reached across the table and touched you the same way. You will look at the veins in your hand and try your best to recall how they wrapped their fingers around your wrist and made you laugh. You will always smile when you think about how they awkwardly hugged you for the first time. You will do all of this and drive yourself crazy. Until the next time you meet them and then you’ll do it all over again.


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