My little Anya or Alayza or Zianna,
It’s me, your mommy, the one who absolutely loves you to the moon and back even though I haven’t even had the chance to meet you yet. You do not exist yet, nor will you for a very long time. But for whatever reason, I’ve been thinking about you lately. What will your favorite color be? What will your favorite breakfast cereal be? Will you look like me or your father? What will your laugh sounds like? What your nervous quirks will be? I’m not ready for you yet, but one day I will be. To think that perhaps one day, I get to hold you in my arms for the first time and call you mine gives me excited chills, to gaze down at your little face and fall in love with you even though I just met you.
You will never understand how much I adore you. Since I was a young girl playing with dolls and exploring the world around me, I have dreamed of the moment when we would first meet. I tried to imagine what you would look like; would you have my big brown eyes, or be blessed with eyes of blue; would you have your father’s darling smile; would you have golden curls or locks of chocolate-brown? Of course, my first prayer was that you would be healthy. I prayed that God would bless you with a beautiful heart. I dreamed that you would have unrelenting courage. I whispered to the heavens up above to send me a daughter filled with joy and wonder. When you arrived, I knew that my prayers had been answered.
There are many life lessons I want to teach you. Unfortunately, there are some things I won’t be able to teach you and you’re going to have to learn them on your own. As much as I want you to stay as my little girl forever, I can’t stop you from growing up and creating your own life. However, before that time comes, I hope you remember these wise words from your wise mother. Remember, parents always want the best for their children. You will be blessed with a childhood of Disney movies and picture books.
You’ll have the experience of setting out cookies and milk for Santa Claus and putting your lost tooth under your head while you fall into a deep slumber, only to find it replaced with a shining coin. You’ll sleep with warm blankets and fluffed pillows, along with your favorite stuffed animals. I want you to know that I’ll be there for you from when you take your first baby steps, to your first steps in high-heeled shoes, and to all of the steps you’ll eventually take. I’ll be there to pick you when you fall down, to not criticize you for one bad grade on a test, and to be the one person who you can always rely on no matter what. I’ll support you no matter what you decide to major in during your college years, whether it be psychology or photography. Your passion will become my passion, whether or not you choose to be a cheerleader or a member of the marching band.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to start wearing makeup as soon as you see others your age doing it. It’s right now that I implore you to wait until high school, or at least the end of eighth grade. Your skin will thank me later.
I may only be 17 right now as I’m telling you these things, but I still feel like they will hold true when I am actually old enough to have you and raise you. I want you to learn to value and respect yourself. I want you to realize that you hang the moon. I want you to realize that you deserve more than the world. I never want you to waste your time on people who do not treat you right, but I realize that sometimes you will because you’re so kind and so young.
I am hoping that I will teach you by my actions to value and respect yourself. I hope that you will learn how you should be treat by men by seen your father treat me with respect. Don’t ever settle for second best. I hope your daddy and I show you that everyday.
I never want you to lay in your room late at night and cry. Come to me, because I have been there before and I understand. Use the gifts that God has given you. Use them everyday and to the best of your ability. Most of all, spend your life with someone who loves you like I do. Someone that will compromise with you and love you so selflessly.
I want you to wake up everyday and see how beautiful you are. You are beautiful, inside and out. I hope you know this because you hear to come out of our mouths enough, but if for some reason you did not hear it today – you are so beautiful. And if there’s one guy who will actually be there and never hurt you? That’s your daddy. And if there’s one person who could actually be your best friend? It’s me, your mommy.
Daddy and I will make sure you’ll be happy every single day of your life. We will work hard for you. Give you all the things you want, even those things you need. We will be really happy with your existence. Mommy will do great at work everyday so I could have my job long enough before you come. We will have set the weekends for you and only you those Saturdays and Sundays. No work, no outside errands, but only great time with our baby girl. We will make sure to give the best family you could ask for, but if there will be a small chance of you not seeing or knowing who your father is, mommy will never ever let you feel alone. I’ll always stand next to you. I’ll make sure that even though your father’s not there for you or for us, mommy will always be here to tell you everything’s gonna be alright. I’m always on your team
I want you to know that your grandma is my best friend in the entire world and because of that, I want to be your best friend in the entire world. My wish is that we are as close as I am with my mom. Our friendship will be different from any other relationship you will experience. I will be there for you at three a.m. when you need a shoulder to cry on, stroke your hair when you’re sick, hold your hand when you need a little extra love, and be your biggest cheerleader. I’ll be different from any of your other friends. They won’t be able to give you the kind of advice I can give because I’ll have had experience. They won’t understand you like I will because you’ll literally be my creation. They might judge you but I never will.
The most important thing I want you to know is that you will be my whole life. You’re grandma taught me well, and I may not know exactly what I’m doing all the time, but she’ll be there for me the way I’ll be there for you. To be completely honest with you, I’m excited for you to be in my life because I have more love to give to you than you could ever imagine.
Baby, your life is whatever you want to make of it. Everyone has the same twenty-four hours in a day, but not everyone makes the most of them. Every decision you make will affect your future. Make them wisely. And as much as you should stay present in the now, don’t forget about the future. Keep it as a subtle reminder of how you should live today. I will always be here for you no matter what. I know that I will love you unconditionally. I can’t wait for you to grow up and blossom into a beautiful woman and accomplish so much. I can’t wait take you to your first day of school, watch you graduate from school, see you get married and have kids. I know you’re going to make me proud. For now, mommy will just wait for the perfect time to welcome you in the world.
Always remember that you’re just a distant thought, but I love you already.
Your future mommy.